Practice Forgiveness

I was raised a paper-Christian, meaning I was only a Christian on paper. In my childhood home we celebrated Easter and Christmas, and in school we were taught the Christian mythology. But nobody expected me to be a practicing believer. As a result, I don’t believe in gods – Christian or otherwise – as an adult, but I am still influenced in my worldview by the teachings of Christianity. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not steal. Whether it is compassion for the sick, or the idea that help should be given to the poor, my moral compass is doubtless different for having grown up in the culture that I did.

One particular character in the bible still makes a lot of sense to me; Jesus. Even without seeing him as a divine figure, his philosophies still show their relevancy today. The fact that most of the modern western world is in agreement with his teachings is a testament (no pun intended), to their enduring power and how much of European history (and later North-American) were shaped by Christian teachings, even if devout faith is losing its appeal to many. One passage in particular seems relevant in today’s social media-ridden world; “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Or put simply, practice forgiveness.

Today everyone knows of at least one example of public outrage mediated through a social media platform, the furiously named ´shitstorms´. Whether it is another celebrity accused of sexual misconduct or an international corporation receiving backlash for greedy policies, we have all seen how the collective minds of millions of people can be turned against a single person or topic. And while my sympathies do not extend to giant companies – who might wish corpo-humanization was a real thing – we should all strive to be less hateful against people, even when we think they really deserve it.

In 2018, author J. K. Rowling liked a tweet that described transgender women as ‘men in dresses’. This became the start of a philosophical war primarily playing out online, about the author’s beliefs. Rowling was immediately met with backlash and accused of transphobia by fans. Her spokesperson claimed she had made a mistake, but a year later she tweeted unmistakeable support for Maya Forstater, a British woman engaged in a discrimination trial centred on trans-critical views, the full breakdown of which is long and tedious and will not be retold here.              

                      This did however become a strange game of escalating views, at least for Rowling’s part. While the online mob had her pegged as a transphobe from the very first accidental like, Rowling’s stated views started out as an empathetic plea trying to explain her thoughts on the importance of sex while stressing her support for trans-people, before eventually succumbing to the dumbed-down language prevalent in online discourse culminating in her infamous “Merry Terfmas”-tweet in December 2022. No matter where you stand on the issue, there is a noticeable argumentative leap from “I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives.”(June 2020) to “Merry Terfmas”(December 2022) – TERF being an acronym for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

                      Here Rowling is apparently fully embracing the identity of being trans-exclusionary contrary to her earlier statements – although the message could be very well be interpreted as tongue-in-cheek. While some may claim this as a revelation of who she really was all along, I believe this to be a case of ideological exile.

Even if most of your beliefs are shared with a group save one, the reception to your one differing belief can still come to identify your entire relationship with that group. For example, if the response from the group is so bad that they refuse to communicate with you on other topics, you might find yourself drifting towards other groups. Groups that – while you might not share as many beliefs overall – have a less negative response to any of your singular beliefs. In this case, it would make sense for someone who starts out trying to reconcile their unpopular idea with their social circle of choice, to then escalate into extremism themselves when met with extreme hostility.

                      This could well be the case with J. K. Rowling. As she received messages beyond count attacking her ideas and person, it isn’t implausible to think she might be pushed away from her then political sphere into more extreme territory. In fact, it’s hard to imagine the same person who professed her love for the plights of transpeople would then immediately then call herself trans-exclusionary, which is why that didn’t happen here. It took two years. No man ever steps in the same river twice, and it seems no woman ever engages in the same online discourse twice.

This is why the importance of forgiveness is paramount. Not everyone needs to be an ally. But if you demonize any person you disagree with, you run the risk of turning a neutral or even partial support into an enemy. This is extra prevalent in the social media sphere, where many arguments devolve into who can get the most likes by typing the more extreme response – in other words: Ratio, common L, etcetera. And where social bubbles are hugely present, with people congregating around popular figures they agree with, consequently avoiding or sometimes outright blocking the voices of those they disagree with. Try instead to think “I forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Now you are free to focus on all the common causes you have and to collaborate on those. There is a version of the Rowling-tale that could have ended differently. One that might’ve ended with her marching “[…] with [every trans person] if you were discriminated on the basis of being trans.”(June 2020)

This isn’t easy. Which is why everyone spends their shower-time fantasizing about destroying others in one-on-one verbal combat, but nobody fantasizes about forgiving someone and moving on. But that is exactly why the title of this post is “Practice forgiveness”. Whenever the opportunity arises, if you can, try to forgive others their perceived transgressions, and if that seems too much, at least think “Is it likely I will change their mind?” If not, you might be doing less harm to your own cause in the long run if you simply abstained from calling them a horrible person. Remember, Jesus never called anyone a transphobe, even if he thought he was right.